When Bad Overpowers Good

Shauna and Nathan had a blast on their date, but then one small misunderstanding at the end of the evening seemed to ruin the entire experience. In fact, the next day, Shauna called the whole thing a bust! How can one negative experience dominate an entire night of positive experiences? Why does bad overpower good? Let’s look at two possible reasons.

#1 The Negativity Bias

Humans have something called a negativity bias – a psychological phenomenon whereby more weight is given to negative over positive experiences. Where did this come from? 600 million years of evolution. Our ancestors thrived because they were attuned to negative stimuli or danger in the environment. In modern times, we don’t need such keen survival mechanisms – I mean, there aren’t too many saber-toothed cats to avoid on the way to work. Yet, the effects of the bias remain strong.

If you find yourself giving extraordinary attention to the “bad stuff” going on in your life, the negativity bias may be at play. Studies have even pinned a specific weight difference between negativity to positive experiences at 3:1. That means it would take three positive events to counteract one negative one. Unfortunately, even if Nathan complimented Shauna three times after they got in that fight, it may not have been enough to smooth everything over. That ratio is closer to 5:1 in relationships!

#2 The Peak-end Rule

The peak-end rule is a mental shortcut people take when remembering past experiences. According to peak-end, an experience is judged almost completely on the peak (good or bad) and at the end. This may be the reason why Shauna’s view of the whole night was based on the peak (seeing a lasso tied was a highlight) and the end (the date was a bust).

You’ve probably experienced the peak-end rule with a friend who remembers an ex-relationship as a “complete disaster” or the “worst experience of their life.” While you might clearly remember your friend and her ex having some wonderful times, it’s easy for a poor ending to taint an entirely good experience for the people involved.

Counteract the Negativity

Express gratitude regularly. Seriously, it works. Bringing attention to the good in your life by writing it down, sharing it with others, or shouting it from a mountain top will help pull you out of the claws of negativity.

Collect data. Gather as many data points as possible when recalling an experience – paint a beginning-to-end experience for yourself as opposed to just peaks and ends.

End on a high! Embrace the peak-end rule and try to end your experiences on a positive note.

Practice mindfulness. A little mindfulness training can help one  listen not just to the words of another, but also to the intent. This skill could have helped both Shauna and Nathan at the end of their date.

Remember, while bad may overpower good by nature, you have the control to flip this instinct on its head. Brains can be trained to seek out the positive with simple, effective habits.

References

Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323-370.

Fredrickson, B. (2009). Positivity. New York: Crown Publishers.

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

7 thoughts on “When Bad Overpowers Good”

  1. We are all guilty of these conditions. I wonder if parents who are visibly and verbally negatively inclined in their lives impact children in a subconscious manner. The peak end rule is especially interesting. It’s like our individual experiences are mimicking a movie script and how it “ends” determines our overall satisfaction with the entire story. Often we forget the journey and that half the fun was indeed, the very process in determining that peak end. If we change our outlook our perception changes and we can avoid having those “bust” like experiences in life. Great topic and I agree, “brains can be trained” for positive results.

    Reply
  2. The video could have been me on a date. I have been in Nathan’s shoes on many nameless dates that ended this way. Everything on the surface went fine until some minor slip up that obliterates my efforts up to that point. I could never understand why I always thought it was strictly a female centric issue. I guess we never critically examine ourselves unless there is some major traumatic experience like a job loss or long term relationship coming to an end. And that negativity bias!! Ugh, it’s so hard to dissolve and so easy to reinforce. I think we almost jokingly downplay it as whining. Thanks for this link as I enjoyed the artice.

    Reply
      • Yes well said! Now how many men can actually make use of this tidbit of information…that is the question. Oh, but perhaps we overreact? I can be fair and always try to be in every situation. Truthfully, I think the situation dictates the proper response.

        Reply
  3. I think we condition ourselves to be natural accepting of negative outcomes. Murphy’s law has a habit of being constantly reinforced, even when the potential for something disastrous or even non-predictable could happen. We see this reaction in a movie review or say on hotel and restaurant surveys. It is always that one negative review that we remember and it unfortunately shapes our total perception. This is even in spite of countless other reviews that are contradictory to that one negative one. I think this is solid advice about retraining and reinforcing how we should think about and focus on a more positive angle. Don’t get me wrong negativity has is place in being cautious as our gut instinct has it’s merits and it is still justifiable to err on the side of caution in personal matters. However, I think expressing gratitude and recalling high points are easily overlooked. I could definitely utilize that advice.

    Reply
  4. So negativity is ingrained in our genes? If that’s so, isn’t it an extremely difficult a habit to break, having the genetic reinforcement by our ancestors over the vast violent historical record of our species? Many questions are left unanswered. For instance, if this negative bias is really a result of evolutionary development over a vast span of human history, then what impact and effect would the reversal be? Should we become a different species all together once we social engineer ourselves to no end ….Let me coin the phrase from that Marilyn Manson song, which ridicules the “beautiful people”…shiny, happy in their naive existence. I wonder if the ancient philosopher’s would apt for more study, self examination as I feel the balance is not achieved by looking at the extremes of one side as being better then the other. The advice on a personal level is fine, but I think overall as a species, we should never hamper or dismiss the survival instinct.

    Reply
  5. “Listen not just to the words of another, but also to the intent” This is absolutely true and I think the key to altering our reaction, so we don’t have a “Shauna” moment as a habitual reaction. Problem is our society is about self and instantaneous gratification which compels us to be forever forward thinking, and that kind of momentum has us crashing into each other when we communicate.

    I remember watching the documentary, I think it was Michale Moore who directed the Columbine shooting incident many years ago. Anyway, in one scene he was interviewing Marilyn Manson about the tragedy, asking questions and Manson said something so simple, so profound, that they ended the segment on his response to one particular question.

    What would you say to the kid’s at Columbine High School?

    Manson: Nothing, I would LISTEN

    Very powerful considering the context and the tragedy that occurred. Thanks for the article. It reminded me of how important it is to be vigilant of not only our reactions, but also those around us who take may just be listening and observing our intent.

    Reply

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.