In most cultures marriage is considered sacred and, frankly, just something that you do. You were probably raised surrounded by influences which encourage you to find a mate, marry, and procreate. Without a doubt, marriage works for some people. Things are changing. In 1950, approximately 22 percent of American adults were single. Today, that number has spiked to more than 50 percent of the population-roughly one out of every seven adults lives alone. And guess what? They’re probably happy.
In a new book, Going Solo – The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, Eric Klinenberg explores the misconceptions we have about those who choose to live alone. The idea that being single will force you to lead a lonely life bereft of love and social contact is erroneous. Instead of the archetypal spinster and unwilling bachelor, Klinenberg introduces a new breed of what he calls ‘singletons’ or people who find fulfillment living and socializing as a solo entity, not as half of a “happy couple.”
Now, it would be an oversimplification to say that single people are happier than married couples. What research reveals is that there are happy and unhappy couples and there are happy and unhappy singles. That said, there are obvious behaviors prevalent in singletons which may contribute to their well-being. From Klinenberg’s in-depth interviews of ‘singletons’ across all ages in the US, he draws the conclusion that the single way of life can help one discover things about themselves as well as appreciate the joy of good company.
Single folks tend to engage in more activities outside of the house, thereby expanding their social circle. They go to the gym. They go to clubs. They learn new skills and find unique ways to make their time go farther. They date… they don’t stagnate.
Living in a city makes it much easier for singletons to get out into the public realm and contribute to the common good,” Klinenberg says.
Furthermore, the ‘single’ trend is catching on. Especially in metropolitan areas, men and women choose to pursue their careers and utilize their free time to explore hobbies, volunteer opportunities, and new kinds of relationships – relationships that are not necessarily ‘for life.’
What’s the lesson here?
Happiness is where you find it – that’s how the saying goes. Perhaps in accepting this precept, we can also accept the idea that we do not all find happiness in the same places. We will not all be happy living in a marriage with 2.5 kids and a house in the suburbs.
Some people live alone by necessity. Some are forced into it. More and more people are choosing the single life as a viable option for happiness. They are in good company. Social researchers around the world are looking at human relationships in a whole new way. We are pack animals, and we thrive off social stimulation. The question you must now ask yourself is whether monogamy or variety is the path for you. Living alone just might open up a whole new world – one you didn’t know existed – one in which you can live your life on your own terms and find your own happiness.
I loved that this talks about choosing to be single, rather than just getting stuck being single b/c you can’t find a good, long-term relationship. So many of my friends/acquaintances are getting engaged and married and while that’s great if that’s what makes them happy, I don’t think being single is some tragedy, as long as, like it says, you’re still being social. nice to know “singletons” can be happy too!
Funny how many articles describe enjoying being single as some wonderful interim period to be embraced for self improvement/ freedom and autonomy while waiting for a partner? Why can’t it be a normal state to enjoy being capable of and responsible for our own happiness and not crave or feel obliged to find one socially implied missing part in us that can only be offered by anothe person? Why is being someone’s other half considered more understandable then just liking being whole?
Here’s what’s missing. I’ve spent many years both ways and find that the missing factor is -work. Being with another requires work and so does going at it alone. Foundations matter. Working at enjoying your own company is the trick either way. And, enjoying your own company takes insight and that takes work.